Life Gets Shitty Sometimes

This month is November and we all know what that means: NaNoWriMo.

Just like previous years before me, I am participating in the insanity and creating a novel from an idea that I had fleshing out for quite some time. I even set myself up for a higher goal then I had ever written, 65,000 words. I was writing about 2,200 words a day and doing great.

Until this Monday, November 5th.

The night before, I had been getting some inner ear pains and thought it would just be a simple ear infection. The next day I woke up to the worst headache in the world, my sinuses were all plugged up and my throat was as sore and it could get. I chalked it up to a cold. I went to school Monday because I had afterschool responsibilies. Tuesday, despite feeling just as bad as the day before, I went to school to hand in a couple projects that were due on Wednesday, knowing that once that was done, I could stay home from school on Wednesday.

Today is Wednesday and I am home, thankfully.

Last night, my mom took me to the doctor's to see if my ear pain was an ear infection or just symptoms of my cold. Most of my cold had shifted to chest congestion and hoarse coughing. The doctor told me that I had the symptoms of an upper respiratory infection. She couldn't tell if it was being caused by a virus or bacteria, so she prescribed me some antibiotics just to be safe and told me to get a few other over the counter medications to help alleive my symptoms.

Now, on Monday, I felt like crap so that night I did not write anything, simply going to straight to bed. Last night, despite my best efforts, I only wrote 784 words. That leaves me 3,616 words to write on top of my 2,200 words I write each day.

If that didn't leave me frustrated, then the information I got about a half an hour after I went to bed last night surely wouldn't help.

On Tuesday November 6th, 2012, my great-grandfather on my mother's side, passed away. He was 97 years old, so we knew that it was only a matter of time before he would die. He had severe dementia, recognizing no one and spending most of his time sleeping. Even with seeing it coming, it was a hard blow to our family.

So far, no plans have been set in stone, but I do know that I will be having to push back writing for those days that I will be spending time with my family and trying to get over my illness. In an already difficult month, the hardships just keep building and there's no way to prevent them from happening.

I hope you all are having a better month than I am.

Frustration

I hate blogging. I always start a blog, but then after a few posts, it slowly diminishes into nothing but a pile of cyber dust. It starts out strong, my entry explaining who I am and what my purpose in the world is. I get all pumped up and think, “This is it, Stasi. This is your ticket to fame and fortune.” It never ends up that way. I always write a few posts, each one getting farther and farther apart in time. I claim that I promise that I'll write more and swear to be a better person, but before you know it, it's been a year since I've posted something. I'm not even good at creating a title for my blog. Right now, it reads “Chicken Wings”, but is it about chicken wings? No. I just happened to be eating them at the time that I made it. And the background of my blog? A bunch of zombies, not that I'm complaining about that. 

Now, until I become more creative or like blogging a bit more, you all will have to deal with irrelevant titles and pictures. 

Why did I add this picture? Because he's the only guy who can pull off the adorable look

while holding a gun and I need a little bit of that right now.

Life since March has changed quite a bit, but I'd like to think that it was all for the better. I'm just hoping that once school comes around, I can write a little bit more freely. Lately I've been so not stressed, that writing doesn't work and it frustrates me. It's like my brain doesn't know what to do with itself and can't come up with anything. It's the opposite of last summer in the writing aspect and I hate it. By November, I would love to be able to write more than just a few hundred words at a time/per day. I want to be back to my normal self that can write 2,000 words in less than an hour. Right now, it feels like it takes me an hour to put a sentence together. I don't like it and I want it to end. It sucks.

Thanks for listening to my rant. Maybe I'll blog more, maybe I won't. I'm not going to make any promises. If anything, I shouldn't be writing this, I should be writing/editing my WIP.

Obsessions

Every writer, every nerd, everyone has those things where they can't help but obsess about. For nerds or fangirls, those things are very frequent and pretty constant. I'm no different, what with my Harry Potter love, my The Walking Dead love, and many other things that would take all day to list. In writing, obsessions are just as big.

Whenever I write, I have to have things just so, I can't just sit down and write. I have to certain notebooks and pens by my side. Things have to be perfect before I can even sit down in front of my computer and open up my Word file. On top of even that, I have to have the need to write. It's like that for more than just my WIPs.

Like this blog, for instance. I didn't have the urge to write a new post last month, so I didn't. I didn't have anything to talk about, nothing that wouldn't make me seem like a total creep. (Which I am, but still.)

It's weird how some obsessions can freak us out but how comforting they are. With Asperger's, they hold onto those obsessions to comfort themselves. Just a couple weeks ago, my brother was banned from his laptop and xbox. Those things were his comforts and now that we're getting further into his sentence, he's starting to get on edge, acting up a bit, and just generally getting on people's nerves. Any conversation I have with him revolves around how "sad" he is that he can't get on and play video games any time he wants.

Obsessions are so strange and we often jump from one to another. For me, it was Harry Potter, then a prom dress, and now the Walking Dead. After the season ends in a couple weeks, I probably won't spend my time stalking the show and it's actors on the internet.

You can't just stop an obsession. If you could, then you must be the master at everything. I know that just go with my urges to obsess over everything that breaths (or, you know, not (ie. zombies?)) or else I'd probably just explode.

I guess this post is a bit of an awkward explanation as to why I'm so spacey with posting on the blog. It's a lame blog, and will probably remain so. But that's alright, I think.

I'm A Terrible Person

So, New Years Resolutions. They in and of themselves are stupid. However, I made myself a list and, though they really are resolutions, refuse to call them that. On that list are (in exact order):

1. Finally get rid of my acne.

2. Get my driver's license.

3. Work out more, tone up that body that I've admittedly let a bit loose.

4. Quit drinking soda.

5. Write my break out book (and or series).

6. Get a literary agent.

7. Blog once a month.

8. Get all A's in school.

9. Start my Senior year of high school.

10. Get a hug from Alan Rickman.

Now, some things on this list seem inevitable. Get all A's in school, start my Senior year, get my driver's license. Other things...not so much. Let's admit that these other things are a bit far fetched. Getting a literary agent, quitting drinking soda, hugging Alan Rickman. Other things are personal stuff that I can achieve but will struggle with because I'm a lazy butt-face.

I've been able to get most of my acne off from my lovely face. My driver's license should be happening in, oh, four months, give or take a few. I've tried working out, I plan to go to the gym, but I always forget. And, yes, it's true, I have finally quit soda. I have one here and there because I can't really totally quit, but that's only when I eat out. (I'm so proud.) As for writing my break out book...I'm getting there. And, in order to get a literary agent, I need a book that I'm proud of, something I do not have as of yet. And, er....blog once a month.

Ah, yeah, that's where we hit a snag: The Blog of Emptiness and Chicken Wings. I was suppose to blog in January and I DIDN'T. But, since it is the first of February and I'm not counting this as my February blog, this can be January. Just pretend this came out a day earlier or something.

Anyways, that's all I really wanted to inform you of, my blogging once a month, if not more. The posts will start getting filled more than just my ramblings and sorry's for not posting, I swear. But, it's hard being a junior in high school (hello, toughest year, anyone?) and colleges are starting to stalk me, so please be patient. I expect by the next time I post (February break?) I will have a bit more literary stuff to say, since I plan to start writing around then or by then.

Adios, my lovelies. *kisses*

Clearly, There Be Some NaNo Up In Here

NaNoWriMo.

The unspeakable month. The psychotic time where people self-inflict what many would classify as "pain." The month where inspired writers force themselves to sit down, focus their ADHD brains, and write a book.

I'm pretty sure that anyone who willingly partakes in this form of insanity needs mental help. And yes, I'm including myself.

Gasp! Yes, I just admitted that I am participating in NaNoWriMo once again. This will be my second year and hopefully my second win. NaNo starts on November first and continues for the entire month of November. Us writers, who are willingly doing this, have to write 50,000 words or, in writer speak, the equivalent of a novel.

My 2010 novel turned out to be crap. I will never, and I mean ever, open it again and try to salvage it. The idea in and of itself was terrible to begin with. I had gotten it last minute, scrapping any plots I had planned out for November and written that instead. That just goes to show you how spontaneous I am, and how badly it always turns out when I follow impulse.

This year, I have a major project planned. I've decided, since I WILL follow through with the plot and storyline of said project and I'll probably rant about it on here, to call the project: Project 17. One, it's the name of a book I really love by Laurie Stolarz and two, because I adore the way 17 looks after the word "project." And I'm sure that I've already gone through all the alphabet with plots and plans and partway through some numbers with them.

(Oh look, I got all fancy with the "will", just shows you how forceful and ambitious I am about it.)

Anyways, I have Project 17 I have to take into thought this November. I've been planning out and creating the characters since the middle of August already, but after some thought, I don't feel comfortable writing it out yet. Instead, this November, I will be finishing my "Zombie Story" (about 20k more) and writing a quick prequel to the novel idea I've title SuperVillian. I think the prequel will be called SuperHero or maybe, SuperExplosion seeing as how there's a big explosion in there somewhere.

Both of those novels are what I'd call my "comedy" novels. They're the slightly supernatural, slight serious, and all too humorous to write books. These are the stories that give me the fuzzies when I write. They are the stories where I sit in front of an open document thinking up a joke, only to end up laughing way too hard at a lame attempt to be funny.

Which will be good. I want to have all 2012 to focus on Project 17. It'll be a bit depressing, it's going to be about a war, and a lot more serious than my comedy novels. With November and December being naturally depressing months, I need to have something funny and good to focus on.

I have a question for any of my followers. (Or you know, I could just be asking this to empty space.) Are you going to be participating in NaNo?

Now, I'm off onto much more boring and tedious work. AKA normal life. Homework, social lives and dentist appointments are calling. Until November, my lovelies!

Why Hello There World

Yes, I am alive. No, I have not forgotten about you. At least not entirely.

Now, I realize that I haven't written a post or even posted it in over a month...in over two months. You see, after I went away to my writing camp at Alfred University, I fell into this depression-like state. It's pretty normal for me. Around that part of the summer, I always get a bit depressed and add on the fact that I had just been writing for five days straight, suddenly stopping wasn't too great for my mood either. Add on the stress of the up-keep of your house, your mom's job putting her in a bad mood, and life in general, I was in no state to post on a blog.

Quickly after my post-camp funk, was the end of summer rush. The last few weeks of summer were anything but relaxing. Not the way I imagined it. Despite all of this, I tried to start my Junior year of high school off on the right foot. I'm doing okay with it as of right now, but when they tell you that it's the hardest year academically, they mean it. So far I've failed one (possibly two) Trig quizzes. I'm thanking the Lord that she doesn't weigh them as heavily as some other things in class.

Suffice to say, life is a bit stressful at this moment. Added on with all the other things from the summer, and I'm looking forward to November where I can write out my emotions everyday. I just hope I can find the time between homework, NAHS (National Art Honor Society), life and sleep to do it. Either way, I'll get it done.

I hope that's helped you a bit in understanding why I haven't posted at all since my Alphabet post. Then next few posts will be more focused, if a bit sporadic.

My Colored Alphabet

I have synesthesia. I've been talking about how I view the world a lot tonight, so I thought I'd share what colors letters appear to me as. Words are generally a blend of the the letter's colors. Lower cases are a few shades lighter.

(NOTE: I don't use very fancy words for colors. I never will, even in my art class, I'll just yell out, "Pass me the yellow!" or whatever. Also, some letters are close in shades, but slightly off, one may be darker than the other and I'll mark that.)

A- Very light blue. Kind of like the sky with very thin clouds.

B- Dark brown. Like my eyes in the sunlight, if you've seen them.

C- Tan. Like sand.

D- Lime green. Plastic light. Reminds my of my friend's iPod cover.

E- Black. Darkens any word.

F- Steel.

G- Light orange. More of a mix of yellow and orange.

H- Dark Purple.

I- Tree roots. That really dark brown.

J- Dark grey.

K- Light blue. Lighter than A, darker than T. Like the sky totally clear.

L- Light. It follows whatever color the next letter is, only it seems like there's a layer of film over it.

M- Forest Green.

N- Gray blue. (Gray, with an A, is lighter than grey.)

O- White.

P- Feather. Kind of blends out. Doesn't really have a color, but it has hints of the color of the word.

Q- Gold. A shining gold.

R- Fiery orange. Way more red.

S- Brick red. More scarlet with blue letters with it.

T- Navy.

U- Yellow. Like the sunset.

V- Rusty gold.

W- Neon green.

X- Dark. Like L only it makes the words darker.

Y- Bright/neon/highlighter yellow.

Z- The darkest blue before black. It's like I and E, I can't really pick out the colors well, I just get hints of blue and really dark.

And there it be. My alphabet.

UPDATE/EDIT: I was asked by a friend if anything other than words and letters are like this for me. Numbers also appear as certain colors for me too. The words and the actual number (2, 7, 5, etc) can be a few shades off also. Like the lower case letters.

There's another part of synestesia, where people can have a taste or a smell because of a nose, word, letter, you get the point. For certain words, I smell or taste something in that back of my throat. For example, when I hear the word cereal or read it or whatever, I smell Lucky Charms. When someone mentions Trix though (a type of cereal), I smell my art room.